Running the “Business of Family” on fumes?
Here is some information on Exhaustion, Fatigue and Burnout!
In the corporate world it is known as Professional Burnout and has been studied for nearly 50 years, but in the recent 5 – 10 years more attention has been given to the “Family Business”, where Parental Burnout is under investigation!
If it is something worth investigating, it is definitely something a lot of parents are experiencing. A 2018 study showed that up to 14% of parents report parental burnout, while a 2020 Covid and Lockdown related study by The American Psychological Association indicate that 46% of people with children rated their stress levels as high as oppose to 28% of people without children.
While the addition of children to a family is a true blessing and brings unparalleled joy, it does add to the stress and exhaustion factor. Not because of something inherent to children necessarily but just because it adds to our responsibilities and division of time and energy.
Throw in a “boss” (a.k.a baby or toddler) that is a bit unpredictable in demands, no “pay” (especially not monetary as in other jobs), no definite indication of what success really is AND no specific “end” (or “You have reached your goal”) date or destination…. Then it becomes a bit more clear and obvious why a lot of parents are struggling to keep everyone and themselves happy in the “Family Business”
So NO, we are not going mad, and we are definitely not bad parents if we experience some of the symptoms. In actual fact, we are and have probably been giving it more than 100% for a while and still want to do better! If this is you, then listen up!
A lot of things can cause burnout, fatigue and exhaustion amongst parents, most of which include the following:
- A change that is adding additional stress?
- Unrealistic (mostly self-imposed) expectations about what you should or should not be doing as a parent?
- Trying to do everything by yourself without asking for help or support.
- Struggling to adapt to change or if something changed you are critical about the way you are or were handling it?
So how do you know whether exhaustion, fatigue or burnout is looming? Here is an indication as taken from a few sources.
Exhaustion or tiredness might be short-lived and can be relieved by a break or holiday. If it continues it can lead to fatigue where you feel physically, emotionally, and mentally drained and unable to function as normal. Some lifestyle changes might be needed to overcome fatigue. If it continues without intervention or a break it can lead to burnout.
As most sources indicate, Parental Burnout may also include:
- Emotional detachment from family (and especially children),
- Constant self-doubt,
- Low self-worth,
- Decision incapacity/fatigue
- Feelings of inefficiency and
- Irritability (even overreaction towards minor things)
Burnout is not about a few or frequent experiences of being overwhelmed or tired, but usually constantly persists for 3 months or more.
As with any business, it is better to consult with knowledgeable and professional people directly. So while this information might give an indication, it should not be substituted for a professional opinion and consultation with psychologist or doctor if you have concerns.
In the meantime, you can start by considering or applying the first few steps in the process of overcoming and becoming the Chief Executive Officer or Managing Director of your Family Business once again. Here are 10 ideas.
- Take a break – 5 minutes to 5 days
- Let things slip now and again (and be surprised by the possible result that no major harm was done in the process of letting things slip 😉)
- Break the routine or habits and do something different or fun.
- Ask for assistance and support.
- Allow for assistance (even if it is given differently “or not to the standard” of what you expect).
- Re-evaluate your expectations of YOURSELF AND OTHERS (what are they, why do you have them and what will happen if you let go or adjust a bit)
- Practice self-care (relax, socialize, spent time outdoors, do a hobby or something creative, get active and exercise)
- Get your mind busy with something different and positive (read, write, watch a show, avoid technology or social media, plan something e.g. birthday party, surprise for someone etc.)
- Plan a bit for moments or things that really get you down (how to prevent, avoid, adjust, manage or overcome)
- Get some sleep
In the words of the author, Jill Churchill: “There is no way to be a perfect mother (father) and a million ways to be a good one” …So if you feel a bit run-down, just be a good parent and soon you will be great!