What are the 5 things you wish for your child or teen?
- Happiness and to enjoy life
- To know their worth – To know that they are loved, accepted, appreciated
- A sense of belonging
- Being safe
- Being well-adjusted individuals
(Maybe you can add to this list?)
Whatever good wishes parents have for their children; it will usually be accompanied by the question; “How can I contribute towards this?”
As parents we cannot completely guarantee happiness or have control over everything in our children’s lives. We may even find ourselves feeling side-lined or that we have less influence at certain stages – like during adolescence.
“Less or limited influence” does not mean “no influence” or no role to play though.
The connection you have been nurturing since pregnancy and birth with your child does not disappear when your child turns 13, 18 or even 31 – it just changes as we and our children change.
Growing independence certainly does not exclude connection or the need thereof but rather requires it.
A resent American study shows that teens who feel connected to their family and have good communication with their parents has a 48-69% lower change to develop mental health issues as adults. Proof that we as parents do continue to make a big difference throughout our children’s lives.
As parents we continue to provide a home and a soft space to land – a place to take a break and rest for a while. A safe place to return to when the world does not make sense or feel a bit unpredictable or cruel. A place where our children can be themselves.
…WE DO THIS THROUGH CONNECTION.
So what can parents do to maintain or strengthen connection?
Here are 20 ideas.
- Share interests and activities
- Have fun together.
- Appreciate and celebrate everyone’s strengths, talents AND differences.
- Solve problems together and work together as a team – even if it is on a puzzle or keeping the house tidy.
- Ask each other’s opinion.
- Have clear communication – open and responsive.
- Respect and allow time for individual and independent interests.
- Share and talk about the good and bad (victories and failures or struggles).
- Enjoy the big and exciting but also the ordinary and mundane stuff together.
- Acknowledge (each other’s physical presence, feelings, ideas, opinions).
- Appreciate and celebrate everyone’s strengths, talents AND differences.
- Quality one-on-one time (where the child chooses what to do).
- Show and communicate TRUST.
- Show care and support in decisions and interests.
- Show affection (give a quick or long hug).
- Be together / close.
- Give space when needed.
- Create own family traditions.
- Apologize and forgive.
- Be open and available to listen (create opportunities for this).
These ideas and tips are not exclusively for family connectedness though, it also adds to marital connection – Parents can thus apply it to their own relationship as a couple. Family connectedness starts with a connection between parents.
The family (e.i the home) is the basic unit that teaches children about relationship, trust (that the world is good place and people are good too), loyalty, acceptance, and esteem. It gives children confidence – in themselves and others.
And above all…
“A home is a place where children should see and feel love(d)”.